|Paris, as seen from Eiffel Tower. July, 2010|
I took a longer route back home today. Again. Extra few minutes before heading where I have to go anyway. Like a piece of thought, or a fragment of a wish, left stranded in a corner of mind. In the cold, but not in the freezer. Not in view, but not forgotten. And my mind wanders and entangles itself in a myriad of possible futures and distant memories. Wander it does. I take my time. But, yielding to that wish is my only escape. I feel it. It is the right thing to feel. And I head home. After a longer route, it is the right thing to do. The wish smiles at its own fate. So, do I.
There is a moment in the movie – We Bought A Zoo. Benjamin Mee, the character played by Matt Damon, sits on a rock and ponders for a second. A decision, he has to make. He sighs. He knows what the logical thing to do is. But, he sees his 7 year old daughter playing with the peacocks and he knows what the right thing to do is. It feels right. And, feeling is always real.
I have been in that position. It all hinges there. I have a before and I will have an after. It depends on me. Either way, I will have a story to tell. What the story will be, will be decided right now. A story of sweet musings and smiles or a tingling regret. A chance to shape my Future. Yes, Future. An always out of reach creature that follows me everywhere. And I see something. Or someone. And I know, what I have to do. If I believe in my future, the future starts believing in me too.
Every wish I have is like a promise to myself which is yet to be whispered. A wish has to swim against my fears. Every night I crush my fears below my pillows and wish for a beautiful dream. Sometimes, to reach somewhere, I have to go through a valley of nowhere. A wandering. A period of uncertainty. Of uncomfortable silences, in and around me. But, a picture of future is what I peek into through these blurred holes. Like my best painting which I haven’t painted yet. But, I see the colors in front on me. Like a horizon painted orange in a sunset that happened moments ago. Seen, but untouched. I smile at the sunset and the sunset smiles at me too. I dare to keep that un-whispered promise alive. One day at a time.
P.S - Title taken from the song Desert Rose by Sting