Monday, September 24, 2012

INSIDE, I AM DANCING



From Archives, With college friends, Hogenakkal Falls, Tamil Nadu. The one who is at peace is me. :)
The cutting open of an envelope is always painful. I guess, that is how it is for people who think with their hearts. As if, I can not peek inside someone’s soul without making a tiny hole in there. Whenever, I have to, I try to do it with as less damage as possible. I like the envelopes unsealed. The letter and the words inside feel more welcoming. With open hearts. And an innocent smile.

There is a brief moment when I have the letter in my hand and when I am still to open it to see inside. That moment, where I have an idea, what lies inside. But, it is just that. An idea. Projection of my own image on the letter. Then. I make a small gap with my fingers and take out the letter cleanly. I unfold it. I am all yours.

I read every word. Slowly. Letting the words feel my presence. We grow on each other. Basking in our combined glow. I wonder, if the words smiled, when they were being written. I imagine a time in the past, not too long ago from now. When the beautiful paper which I hold now, was blank. Like a treasure box to be filled. Like a canvas waiting to be painted. Like earth waiting for the clouds to bleed. With only a wish in the heart, knowing not, where it will all lead.

I imagine you. Sitting on that wooden chair. A pen in your hand. The Blank page sitting prettily on the table. Its corner fluttering amid the mild air blowing through the window. As you try to calm the paper with a soft touch from your hands. Thinking. Waiting for the words to appear. Sometimes, playing with your hair. Making soft curls. Debating with yourself whether to use this word or that word. And then, with softest of smile on your lips, you start. The pen touches the paper and words flow. Every word smiling at its own presence. May be, they know, what they mean to you. They know, what they would mean to me.

I have a few letters with me. Acknowledged, but unanswered. Read, but not replied. I wonder, how the letters feel. Lonely and loved, at the same time. A dangerous feeling that is. I have been left alone in the end after seeing so many false starts. I guess, that is how it is for people who think with their hearts. But, for now, as I read the letter again, I appear calm to everyone. But, just so you know, Inside, I'm dancing.

P.S - The title taken from the movie of the same name starring James McAvoy of 'Atontement' Fame.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

SAPPHIRES



A lovely Autumn Morning, Zurich, Switzerland


Even the voices have stopped hearing me today. And the words feel threatened my my mere presence. I will talk in whispers. I do not want the words to smell by foul breath. I do not want the words to get wet by the sweat dropping from my eyebrow. Can you come a bit closer? Yes, better now. And please shift that lamp to a place where, the words can not see my shadow. Words have a way of being jealous of darker things.

The miles on the road count my every little step. And even the ghosts cry in horror. ‘Almost there.’ the heart whispers to the tired limbs. The Mind knows better. Heart and Mind have a tacit agreement to not fight when the eyes are still open. Heart specializes in false reason. Mind specializes in false hope. The limbs keep on summoning false strength from an already empty tank. Almost there. Almost there…

I am flattened under the pressure of my own expectations.
I am laughed at by satires.
I am discarded by my own desires.
I am extinguished by the cold fires.
I am my own murderer, which fate hires.
I am only saved by the sweet look in your eyes.
Glowing, as ever, like two pretty sapphires.
Leading me Gently to what the heart aspires.
Bringing me Closer to whom the soul admires.

Now, that you have heard the whispers, I only ask one thing from you. Share my story, by all means, but do not share my name. All troubles start there. Look for the eyes, but, let the eyes find me. Let’s not start an end, until the end starts. Do you promise? Today has been a good day. No promises have been broken. Let’s keep it that way. Shall We?

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

DHOOP KE MAKAAN

Golden dreams.
Yes, I see that your eyes are still red. I can say that they have been red for a while now. Please keep your head still for a few seconds. And try not to blink when I am reading your eyes. I know why they are red. What? You tried to read my eyes too! OK, but this is my time and this is my post.

So, you have seen a few of your dreams go. Yes, few of them will find their way back to you. A few others will be stubborn. They will try to escape. They will try to transform into tiny spherical drops and sneak their way out when no one is looking. They will silently float on your skin and move ever slowly. Let them be. They are only a reflection. A shadow of your dreams. Your dreams are still kept safe by that light which shines in your eyes. Every time your lips smile, your dreams get stronger.

You want to scream. I will join you. But, make sure, no one else hears it. The loudest scream is often without a sound. Much like a hardest prayer is without words. This was the prayer you saw in my eyes.

Every time life shakes me, I see a few fragments of  my fear falling off my skin. Not all goes at once. Few cling harder. But, I wait when the fate will misbehave with me the next time.  

If I look closely, everything is illuminated, even in darkness. One way or the other. Not every knock comes with a noise. Not every feelings come with a choice. I am chasing a rainbow. That is why, I am sleeping on a storm. Sometimes, even shapeless is a beautiful form.

And I move away from the mirror. Away from the red eyes.  To a world, where it does not matter, who lives and who dies. There are only honest tries. And silent cries. There are no fools and no wise. No lows and no highs. No hellos and no byes. No ecstasy and no sighs. But, sometimes, there are flowing emotions which soon dries. Soon, a whip of air will reach my lungs.  Its time for another breath. Time for me to rise. 

P.S - Title taken from the song 'Dhoop Ke Makaan' from the film 'Break Ke Baad'