|Stretches of Greens, Unknown Place, Switzerland|
I am holding the pen too tightly. I can’t loosen the grip. I have to choose my words carefully. It is not easy, you can trust me. But, I have been practicing it for a last few days. Each time I held the pen earlier, words would make a mess on the paper. As if, they were waiting on the tip of the pen. A gentle push and gravity would do the rest.
This time, I moved towards the pen rather slowly. Casually. I took the pen in my hands but did not put it on paper straight away. The pen jerked for a while. It shrieked a little too. I could see the words, almost dangling, trying to stretch their arms to feel the smoothness of the paper. But, left midway, after some time, deprived of the touch of the wood, they slowly faded and died a slow death and finally vanished into thin air. Then I slowly slipped the paper below. And then I carefully chose those pretty false words to adorn the paper.
I have to be vigilant at all times. For the words have a way of coming back from the dead. And they usually do. Making life difficult for all of us. Honest life, yes, but difficult all the same. Honest and Difficult. Ha!, Sounds so ideal. I am trying hard to suffocate that ideal in the bleak atmosphere. When that happens, all ideals will perish. No Truth. And when there is no truth, nothing can be a lie. It just is. A life of comfort in an atmosphere of deceit.
In this race against the words, I have to fail them first, before words fail me.
I will rest in my armchair. I will watch in peace, everything I stood for once, crumble to pieces.
Will I ever wonder, how did I end up like this? Perhaps. But, I am emotionally strong. Which just means, I can hide them better.
And one day, I will drop dead under the weight of a heavy heart beat, which I failed to listen a long time ago.
An empty bottle of ink will be my staggering testimony to all my beautiful wasted efforts.
I am forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
They fly so high
They reach the sky
And like my dreams they fade and die
( these lines from GREEN STREET HOOLIGANS)