Monday, November 21, 2011


 Not that I have not thought of this before. But, I wanted to write about this, after reading  this post by Chintan. She says, to quote her -

The truth is, nobody moves on! No body. The life moves on but you do not. The people who say they move on, I would like to look them in the eye and talk over a drink. I really would. How cruel are we as society, as human beings! At times, I feel dogs are better than us. They enjoy each bitch and lead a dog’s life. We do the same behind the closed doors. Just for a lifelong jhooti izzat /namesake reputation/ we keep dying every day. Some die without love, some for love and some because they do not know what love is. It’s hard to tell who suffers the most.

It is hard to imagine anyone who would disagree with above. We have seen many people, around us, who had to 'choose' between two 'Loves'. Choose between parents/family and 'his/her life partner'. Some cave in. Some don't. Some fight for what they think is right and win. Some fight and lose. Some give up without a fight. For an outsider, it is very easy to pass a judgment on what thought process went before choosing what was eventually chosen. But He/She who is the middle of the storm alone knows what is happening. To what extent, he/she can fight, how long his/her mind can take, how far can he/she push the envelope, before he/she falls and falters, is something, no one else but only He/she knows.

So, would we call someone who fought with the parents/society for the acceptance of his/her love and lost a weak, spineless person? Or someone who chose not to fight a chicken? I won't. He/She choose to go with what the family wanted, and in the process had to let go off someone whom he/she thought was the one for him/her. The reasons can be many, which an outsider wouldn't know. But the result would be something, which is for everyone to discuss and judge. Who is stronger/braver? The one who choose never to stop fighting and eventually won or the one who eventually gave in and decided to live with the pain all their life? The one who broke the flawed rules of an incumbent society or the one who decided to take everything on himself/herself and slowly die everyday? This is a question, the answer to which, we would never know. In an ideal society, this question should not even exist. But, the society, especially ours, is anything but ideal.

I am a part of the society. But then, may be I am not. I belong to a rebel school of thought. I know what I am. I know who I am. I may be confused about what I am going to eat for dinner tonight, but when it comes to how I want to live my life, I don't much care for society, who is ready to judge me for my actions/inaction. And when I say society, it does not include my parents, brothers, sisters and friends, who 'know' me. Even then, I do not expect them to agree with me on everything. Since I know that, at heart, they want me to be happy; I listen to them, agree with them, and disagree with them. We may differ on 'what would make me happy?' Be it in relation to love, career or anything else. But, the final say would be mine. Compromise is something, which I am not very fond off, just yet.

P.S – This is not a post to support/ridicule any of the choices we make. This is not an argument. This is a discussion. If, you have something to say, Say it. But, I will understand, if you choose not to say anything at all.  

The title isn't of my own creation. I read it somewhere. In English - 'If I start to think what people will think, then what will people think'. Does it make sense? Request people to give a better translation in English for Non-Hindi readers. Thank You. :)


  1. I dont know Kunal..for me family plays an important role in my life..when it comes to love or career or anything about me..I have to include them in my decision..I was raised up that way..I tried so hard to rebel but at the end of the day my love for them wins..Does it make me a stronger or weaker person..I just dont know...but nowadays I just stop fighting with them..because its just not worth it..:/i have to admit I've given up A LOT in my life..but compromise for the sake of your loved ones is something worth it :)

  2. I respect Chintan. A lot of a lot. I have said that to her a million times, and I'm writing it again. Yet again.
    Yes, we live in a very confined society- no, not confined or restrained in its manner but confined in the manner they perceive things to be. If you are in a live in, you are a slut, if you wear revealing outfits, you're inviting strangers. Humbug. Not deviating from what this post conveys, LKK-the ever so famous Log Kya Kahenge syndrome and the pain it ends up giving us.
    Standing up for your rights or even not are within one's hands, its your own sweet decision for Chris' sake, why would any one interfere? To think of it, its not even correct.
    And I totally agree with the last para, for me the society wouldn't even include my family, just as it is for you. You get some, you lose some. All part of the game. Though somewhere I think we learn to leave a part of us in the past and move on. For greener pastures.
    AND , the title. Killer. I wish adopting it in our lives was easier.

  3. 'Compromise' is a very difficult term. You never know when what you choose over something else, leads to to total devastation. U know sometimes u know that a certain choice would be bad for u, but still you heart makes u do it and make urself hurt your family. and then u come face to face with the mistake u did and then there is no going back but to be stuck with the mistake u made. Maybe this fear makes people not accept what their heart says, the fear of a negative outcome. Society does its part too!
    I know I made no sense :P

  4. So many thoughts run through my head as I read this post and I can identify with much of the content. When I was growing up, my mother often said to me, "But what will the neighbors think?", whenever I was suggesting doing something she didn't approve of :)

    I had to chuckle silently inside because this kind of thinking was insane to me, no disrespect to her of course :) I remember thinking, "But we don't even talk to most of them, so what does it matter?!" :D The English definition of your title brought this to mind :)

    I applaud you for being the 'rebel' because I can appreciate the fact that this is much harder to do depending upon which country/culture one is born and raised in? It saddens me deeply to know that a couple in love have to contend with issues of religious differences. This shouldn't even factor into the decision of a marriage and yet it is still taboo in some societies.

    My friend, Anand, at "Life's Like That" discussed this topic of "Live YOUR Life" on a previous post. You may want to check that out sometime, if you haven't already :) I'm not sure if you follow his blog?

    This is the way I see it: We only have one life to live and none of us know how long it will be, so it seems a shame to spend this time living a life of someone else's dreams instead of our own. However, I do realize this is easier said than done in many instances.

    Stay true to who you are and don't compromise your principles. However, you will have to become fond of compromising in a romantic relationship :) If you don't, it won't be successful in longevity :)

    Great post and I was just thinking earlier today, before reading this, that it would be great if our topics led to great discussions of repeated visits and comments. This may not be feasible with time constraints and commitments to reading numerous blogs, but a nice thought? :)

    Best wishes to you always, Kunal ~
    From one rebel to another ;)

    P.S. ~ It's more than obvious that I wrote a you know what!

  5. Hi TOSM,

    'compromise for the sake of your loved ones is something worth it'. I think this concept differs for everyone. Compromise is fine as long as this does not have a negative effect on you and it does not effect your individuality, but, wouldn't a compromise be lethal if it destroys our free will?

    Family plays an important part in my life too, but I have never been subjected to choose an option, just because, they are saying and I have to. It has been discussed and my choices/preferences have been asked. I hope it stays that way. It helps that I am quite frank in my talks with my parents. :P

    I have added the english translation of the title in the P.S below the post. Hope that helps. :D

  6. Hi Crystal,

    Perception is deceptive. The point is whether we let ourselves be affected by it to such an extent that we are not ourselves and we have to let go of something which defines us. As the character of Madhavan in 3 Idiots says to his father - 'aap kya sochte baat se mujhe fark padta hai. Mr sharma mere baare mein kya sochte hai..isse mujhe koi fark nahi padta'. Likewise, the people whose opinion matters to us are different for everyone. For some, omly families, for some their best friends etc. The important thing is to preserve your inner feeling and act according to it and not let others dictate your actions against your free will...which you know will make you unhappy later.

  7. Red Handed:

    you say, 'sometimes, we know a certain choice is bad for you, but still your heart makes you do it'.

    My take is, there are things, in regard to which we are not always 100% sure, if this is the right choice, but somehow heart knows. You are willing to take a leap of faith and see what lies beyond. If we don't make the choice, we would never know, what would have happened..right?

  8. Kunal, first of all thought provoking topic.
    Well, i have in a way thrown down my career and the place i called home, just to be with my parents, not that they asked for it, but because i wanted to. Yes, there were initial ‘why dont you stay with us’ from their end, but my folks never forced me to do anything i dnt like. They are the super best of Humans and the very best Parents in the whole wide world
    About, individuals choosing btw love and their parents. I had been in a sit, wherein someone i liked a lot, dnt want to proceed solely, because he wdnt have the courage to talk to his parents, it did hurt me initially, but thinking about it now,i feel its better this way without him.
    And about choices, compromises, and us dying each day, i choose to differ, yes, i may not be doing much each day, but it brings a smile on my face to wake up and see my parents, realise that my home is still there, people whom i love are still around, and safe.
    Life is beautiful, for me, i learned that really late, but i try to make the most of it, and am glad to have been born human.

  9. Hi Lady Fiona,

    When I used to go outside to play even during exams time, my mom used to say to me,'why do you have to go and play everyday. Why don't you study more. See Mr X's son never goes outside and always studies'. Even though, quite young at age, I used to tell her, 'Mummy, don't compare me with others'. I know, at heart, she wanted my well being and now..I am 'comparatively' grown up and take my own decisions, there is rarely any interfernce from my parents. But, when I am confused about something or I need to ask something, I ask my parents, as they have seen more world than me and are more experienced and hence it never hurts to hear words of wisdom from them. But, in no way, some decisions are forced upon me. But, I know, this would never happen.

    When you say - 'you will have to become fond of compromising in a romantic relationship :) If you don't, it won't be successful in longevity :)'.
    I know you don't mean the compromise where decision of one is detrimental to the mental peace and happiness of others. But, it happens. Some compromises are done on the basis of the thought that we are in love with the partner and we have to do this in order to make this work. But, the compromise which destroys one's uniqueness and individuality and happiness is a kind of slow poison eating into the relationship.

    But the things we do to make our partner happy, even if we have to go an extra mile, in my view is not a compromise when both the party understands it and it is not taken for granted. Then we link our happiness with our partner's happiness while maintaining our individual self :)

    Great discussions of repeated visits and comments. Sounds interesting and fun :D

  10. Hi Menachery,

    If you think, you made the right choice and if you are happy, then I am really glad for you. As I said, the person who is the middle of the storm alone knows what is happening around him/her and what choices he/she takes. As long as, you are comfortable with the choice you take and nothing has been forced, it is fine. Cheers for your parents. I have been lucky too to be blessed with super good parents and even my dad used to say that the day when my shoes fit yours, I am going to ask for your opinion in every little thing. :D

    Talking of Choice, I remember this line from Shantaram - 'Fate gives you two choices. The one we should take and the one we take.' :P

  11. Yes. Then he goes on to say, mai toh Sharma uncle ka first name bhi nai jaanta :D
    We do connect ..

  12. :) You know my thoughts on this already. It's good to be rebel, we need rebels, rebels bring change....change has to be there, day by day, everyday.

    @Crystal <3<3<3<3 LOVE <3<3<3<3

  13. "But, the compromise which destroys one's uniqueness and individuality and happiness is a kind of slow poison eating into the relationship.

    But the things we do to make our partner happy, even if we have to go an extra mile, in my view is not a compromise when both the party understands it and it is not taken for granted. Then we link our happiness with our partner's happiness while maintaining our individual self :)"

    I couldn't have penned it better than that! You nailed my intended meaning PERFECTLY :) And then I got to thinking of how it pertained to my life quite some time ago and why didn't *that man* nail it perfectly? Ahh, well if he had, he and I would still be together *Rolling eyes @ his stupidity* :D

    P.S. ~ Catching up on some comments :D