Friday, October 28, 2011

A Lifetime..To Die

                                               Water Beneath, Frozen Ice

I was walking on that 'lane' the other night.
When memories, from years gone by, came rushing.
We were staring into each others eyes, then..
Our hands were together and you were blushing.

The soft breeze was there, cooler than usual,
The sky was in patches of gray and blue.
You had closed your eyes for a moment, then..
When you opened them again, they said, 'I do!'.


It all seems so distant now, as if nothing happened
You left me shallow and rich at the same time.
I tried to forget. Leave it All Behind.
But, I know that, what we did, was not a crime.

You are not near me. Yet you are.
The moments, we shared, still nice.
You live inside me. In my thoughts.
Like water, beneath a frozen ice.

I will never feel which I felt once,
You left me alone. But Why? And How?
Living, while dying, is the order of the day.
What mattered then does not matter now.

I have the gifts, which you gave me before.
They will always be at their rightful place.
You may come again. I have not changed the lock.
I may be waiting for no one. But, Just in case!

I do not need anything from you.
I am not going to sit and cry.
I will thrive on my unyielding pain
For, I have, a lifetime to die.

Monday, October 24, 2011

The Uphill Walk

                                                         The Uphill Walk
 Has it ever happened to you that you see a place in the photos or you read about them, you just think - I have got to see that ? It happens with me all the time. I keep a mental note of it and make mental plans about how to go, when to go, etc. So, this time, I see this place and I read about this hike. It says 23 Km and 7-8 hours of walking. This will be a challenge. Can you do that? -  I ask myself. The answer came- I don’t know. And then another response – If you do not try, how would you know? I discussed my intentions with few of my friends and asked if anyone would like to join. But under the weight of 23 km, everyone backed out. So, one fine weekend, I packed my bags and just left.  

Its OK, if no one shares your passion in doing what you want to do. Ask yourself. If the answer ‘YES’ comes from within, then just do it. Even, if you are alone. Its OK, if there is doubt in the beginning. Have faith in the hope. Have faith in your attempt. Help will come along the way.

I am panting after a couple of hours of uphill walk. I sit on a rock and look around me. High Rocks and trees every where. A small stream is making a feeble noise as it cuts the rock on its downhill journey. I have a sip of water and a bar of chocolate. The map says, I am not even half way up my journey. I take a moment longer to gather my energy. Then I get up and consult the map one more and then head in the forward direction.

Starting is the difficult part. The resistance, mentally and physically is most in the beginning. Gut it out. Everyone gets tired, at some time or the other. How much, you can go forward after that, is what matters.

I have been walking for 5 hours now. The trail is fairly flat now. I have covered more than half, my map says. I am happy with myself. My legs are tired, but the euphoria of making it this far overshoots any tiredness. I see the beautiful countryside and mountains in the mist farther ahead. I lie on the grass and eat few more bars of chocolate. I take a long sip of water. But, then, a frown appears on my face, as I see the map, looking for the path ahead. I curse myself as I notice the mistake. I took a wrong turn some time back. This is not what I need now. I get up and trace back my steps. It takes an hour to come to the right track. I stop for a moment and take a long look at the wrong path I took before. I notice the reason for the mistake, a faded sign on the road. I  move on the right track.

Mistakes happen. Even if you concentrate hard and plan perfect, mistakes can happen. Wasting too much time and effort on pondering over it is another mistake. Learn why it happened and undo the mistake, while there is still time. Then, Move On.

I finally make it to the top. I marvel at the gorgeous landscape. High ridges of Alps to the right, a deep valley in front and greenery all around. This is what I had come to see.  I decide to sit and take all the beauty in before going down to the nearest railway station, 1 hour away. But, I hear a thunder. In no time, it starts to rain. I run for the cover and enter a small restaurant completely drenched and shivering. (But, I manage to save the camera from getting wet). It is getting dark and cold. Rain does not look like giving up soon. I am stuck. I need to do something. I ask someone for the shortest route to the nearest railway station. He is quite drunk, but I manage to make him understand. I need a ride downhill to the station. He asks me to wait. A few minutes later, a waitress comes. I have a coffee before leaving. She drops me to the station in her car. I thank her. And I thank her again. I catch the last train to Zurich. I make it back. With a tale to tell. An adventure to share.

Its OK, if you do not stay at the top long enough or you do not see what you wanted to see for long enough. The sweat in making it to the top was still worth it. Sometimes, Journey is the destination. Sometimes, Retreat is not an option. Sometimes, a bruised body is better than a bruised ego.

Who knows, you can get a ride from a beautiful girl to go home? :) 

P.S - These philosophies mentioned here are solely for me. Everyone has their own outlook about things and this is mine. I believe in it. I live by it. I stand by it.

P.P.S - I have been called nuts and crazy 6 times today. Which will make it almost a dozen counting the weekends.  Quoting a part of  what someone wise said - 'Its Better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring!'

Friday, October 14, 2011

If I Have To..

                                           I have made a promise to myself,
                                           Which I intend to keep.
                                           Unless, I start at the base of the mountain,
                                           How would I know, it is too high? Or too steep?

                                           I am prepared to lose.
                                           I am ready for sacrifice.
                                           I will get what I want.
                                           No matter what the price.

                                           I am not going to stop,
                                           Even after getting tired.
                                           I am my own inspiration
                                           I do not care about being admired. (Or Desired!)

                                           I know the path is not easy.
                                           I am not expecting any help.
                                           I have to keep fighting hard,
                                           Even, if I get beaten to pulp. 

                                           I do not trust my fate.
                                           I will rather make my own.
                                           I will keep kicking the door.
                                           Even, if I keep getting thrown.

                                           My eyes will burn in the sun.
                                           My skin will get dirty and dark.
                                           All energy may leave me one day.
                                           But, Fire within will be there. If Only, a Spark.

                                           My language is Silence.
                                           Hunger is my food.
                                           For all I care,
                                           I will be dressed in nude.

                                           I will stand naked in the cold wind.
                                           I will bang my fist in the wall.
                                           I will be bruised. I will shiver.
                                           But, I will live. I will brave it all.

                                           I will swim against the tide.
                                           I will run with a broken leg.
                                           I will get numb. I will be in pain.
                                           I will survive. I will never beg.

                                           I will walk through fire.
                                           I will get burnt to the bone
                                           I will prefer to die, trying..
                                           In the end, everyone gets a tombstone.

                                           I will have no one to talk to.
                                           I will have nothing left to share.
                                           I will still believe in following my heart.
                                           Knowing, that Life is grossly unfair.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Blabbering Smiling Guy

             In old times - From Left to Right. Psycho, His Girlfriend, Me, Chidi, Ashish, Gulti.
                                   Girl Sitting - Garima (Chidi's sister)
                                   On a hill top near Bangalore. In the Mist

Participants: Me, Suri, Chidi, Psycho, Felix, Alex, Gulti. (All college mates)
Room mates: Me, Suri, Chidi, Felix
Location: House No 490, Kormangala 8th Block, Bangalore


It was around 9 in the night. On a Friday evening. It was way past my end of the official end of the working hours. But, in those days, late nights were quite usual for me. But, not today, I told myself. Not, when there is a birthday party at home. I had already received calls from friends (room mates + former college mates) and I had promised, I will be home soon. I finally left and entered my flat, where friends were waiting along with dozens of bottles of beers and numerous snacks.

You may find it had to believe, but I did not drink that night.(Not a beer person!). But, that did not stop me, from having a great night. Remembering college days, Discussing our unplanned futures, non-existent love lives, deep life philosophy, pulling each other legs. The night just did not seem to end. Finally around 4 A.M, people started looking for place to collapse. The lucky ones got the bed. Others took to floors and bean bags(Including me). 

                                         Left to Right: Psycho, Chidi, Felix, Me.
                                        We do not know what we are trying to do.

I was the first one to wake up in the morning. A lovely, cool, typical Banglorean Saturday Morning. I looked for my mobile to see the time, but it wasn’t present, where I last remembered keeping it. I got up and checked my room. NOPE. Felt a little strange. Then, I went to the other room, where Suri and Felix were still sleeping. I checked quietly, but again NOPE. Then, I looked for Suri’s phone so that I could dial my number from there. It wasn’t on his bed. Felt a little stranger. On impulse, I woke up Suri and asked for his mobile.  His mobile wasn’t present. Something struck us. We checked. None of the phones were present. Barring one. Alex’s phone. He had slept on the bean bag with his phone still in his pocket. We dialed everyone’s number, but each call met with the same response – ‘…is not reachable….’ SHIT. SHIT.SHIT. THEFT IN THE HOUSE. WHAT THE…...FIVE PHONES GONE IN A DAY!Then we noticed. The door of the house was ajar. And also Gulti wasn’t at home. Alex called Gulti and was told that he had left home early as he had to go to office (yes, on a Saturday) and he had asked Psycho before leaving  to lock the door when he is gone.


No one knows, what Gulti told Psycho and what Psycho heard and whether he closed the door. (Though he says he did). Since, these two were the most drunk out of all of us, their testimony is a..umm…a bit shaky. :)

                                From Left to Right: Chidi's Towel, Me, Psycho
                                                                In Front: Suri
                                 Location: House No 490.

This incident has become a part of folklore between us, and whenever we meet, we do not fail to remember ‘THAT NIGHT WHEN WE LOST ALL THE PHONES’.  We attempted many times, in a playful way, to know the exact thing that happened, between the period Gulti left and talked to Psycho and whether he closed the door or not…but..nothing concrete came up. 

And Nothing will. Because Gulti left us on Thursday, 6th Oct.  Quietly. Suddenly. And Hopefully without much pain. He perished while doing what he loved doing. Being in the Mountains. He wanted to climb Kanchenjunga. But, he couldn't cope with the training part(I am guessing..) in Sikkim. He died, with, I believe,  music still left within him. I just wanted to remember him for the kind of person he was. The Blabbering smiling guy. I have revisited him in my memories, in the photos of our trips together.  I am done with grief. I am not looking for explanation from destiny. You can not mourn for ever..right? You got to move on. I had to let it go. But, my heart goes for his parents. For them, mourning will be life long. Rest in Peace(and please..not R.I.P) Gulti and give strength to his parents. You will live in our memories. And our stories. Always.