In a Silence Contemplative mood on a Barcelona Beach. Or may be I am watching something else.
I have not been this silent for a long time now. I have rarely spoken more than a few sentences this whole week. Not that I am too much of a talker, but something in me is finding every thing uninteresting. It is bewildering in the sense that nothing is actually wrong with my life. Except the usuals, may be. Which are always there. To make us know, that we are not a robot. Work is ok. The usual boring stuffs. Not much to do. Gives me enough time to read and comment on the blogs I am following. Life is OK too. I guess.
I am not of the complaining type. So even if there was something wrong, I would not have been able to vent it out here. You can say, that I am being a little dishonest with myself and my blog for not revealing everything. May be yes. But I have always been like this. There is enough pain in the world already. And I always hope to make my readers at least more happy than they were before stumbling on my blog. I hope I have been successful. But, today, it is not going to be that way. Even if I try to write something funny, it will not come naturally. And a lame attempt is something, which I never do. I am not depressed. I enjoyed the last movie I saw. I am hooked to the new songs from Mausam and Mere Brother Ki Dulhan. Our TT and Volleyball sessions in the evening still continue. But the events around me, the chatters, the banters , I just do not find that urge to take part. Hence the silence. But, not knowing what has switched me off is not helping at all.
May be, I have been away for my family and friends for a long time now. And I am going to be away for some more time. I have never felt home sickness before, so, I can not say what I am feeling now is home sickness. One of the highlights amid the silence of last few days was talking to my brother today. I am not coming online too much on Gtalk and I guess, I have grown out of facebook already. I got online for few minutes in the morning just after waking up and was trying to get ready for office when he pinged me. He is away in Finland and his job is such which does not allow for regular and uninterrupted phone calls. So, it was nice to talk to him for about half an hour. During our talk, he asked a question, which had me believe, that he is no more a kid brother, but has grown into a mature person. Perhaps, he had matured long before, but I only realized now.
Its not that I have been working for very long without a break and I am in need for a vacation. I have been going to see places quite regularly last few weekends. And only last Saturday, I had great fun on our short day trip to the mountains. And while returning back to Zurich, I had one of most chirpy days. To the point, that my friends thought that something has gone wrong with me and the little wine I had, had gone to my head. I was virtually unstoppable and was rarely silent in the whole return journey. But, what exactly happened after that, I can not say for sure. Or may be, my sub conscious knows and my conscious self is not ready to accept. Not yet.
I am sorry, if you are coming here for the first time and find yourself not amused by this confessional post. I am not like this, and this is perhaps my most negative post. I think, in my more than 100 odd posts, this is a kind of first. And I promise, it will be my last. I can not be sad for very long. I will get tired of it. Eventually. I ensure my readers that they walk with a smile after coming here. I am mostly a happy person and it kills me to realize that I am choosing to be sad and silent when I have no reason to be so. If there is any scene from a movie, which can say about my state of mind, it is this Fuck All video from the film 25th Hour - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bHhUWPX1_0&feature=related
May be, I am just over reacting, because my two favorite jeans, a blue and another black, expired within a period of one week. One was barely 3 year old while the other was only a little older at 5 years. For people, I do not know, I would like to say that it soothes me that there are a few faces who do not know me and hence would not judge me too much on the basis of this post and it comforts me to know that even if I do not know you, you are still listening. May be. And for those, who know me, nahi, mujhe pyaar nahi hua hai!