Thursday, September 29, 2011

But Then..

I listened to everything you had to say.
Your frustrations, whims or complain.
But, when I wanted to say something,
You said, I use too much brain.

                                           There were a few things common between us.
                                           You liked to get wet in the rain.
                                           It worked fine for me as well.
                                           Rain washed away all my stain..(of hearts!)

I wanted to say everything.
But, there was nothing to gain.
It was already too late.
Perhaps, I had missed the train.

                                            I have told you before..(if not directly!)
                                            I am not telling you again.
                                            Now, please do not ask what,
                                            I am not going to explain.

I did not pursue you
It was too much of a strain.
When I saw you for the first time,
It is true, I was already slain.

                                             I knew it would not have happened
                                             It was so plain. And In vain.
                                             You would have trampled my heart
                                             With such disdain!

I still see you sometimes, Passing by
I know you still visit 'that' place often
Maybe, I will come there someday
I just do not know when.

                                              But just so you know.
                                              I am all right. I am sane.
                                              I looked at your photos before.
                                              But today, I refrain

Now, do not show pity on me.
That is entirely my domain.
(Not always), But I can control my grief
I can contain my pain

                                                The chains were too strong. They still are.
                                                It was my curse and bane
                                                I was not very strong. I am still not.
                                                But I will sustain. But THEN...


Friday, September 23, 2011

The Brightest Dark Room

So, what is your relationship with your birth place? Do you still live at the same place? Is it special? Does it mean something special for you? Do you still visit the place some times? Do you feel anything different?

P.S – I don’t know what the point in writing this post was. May be, I just wanted give my present a perspective. Or, may be, I just wanted you to introduce to a very personal thing. My handwriting. I hope, you can read it all right. It used to be much better.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Unexplained Silence

 In a Silence Contemplative mood on a Barcelona Beach. Or may be I am watching something else.

 I have not been this silent for a long time now. I have rarely spoken more than a few sentences this whole week. Not that I am  too much of a  talker, but something in me is finding every thing uninteresting. It is bewildering in the sense that nothing is actually wrong with my life. Except the usuals, may be. Which are always there. To make us know, that we are not a robot. Work is ok. The usual boring stuffs. Not much to do. Gives me enough time to read and comment on the blogs I am following. Life is OK too. I guess. 

I am not of the complaining type. So even if there was something wrong, I would not have been able to vent it out here. You can say, that I am being a little dishonest with myself and my blog for not revealing everything. May be yes. But I have always been like this. There is enough pain in the world already. And I always hope to make my readers at least more happy than they were before stumbling on my blog. I hope I have been successful. But, today, it is not going to be that way. Even if I try to write something funny, it will not come naturally. And a lame attempt is something, which I never do. I am not depressed. I enjoyed the last movie I saw. I am hooked to the new songs from Mausam and Mere Brother Ki Dulhan. Our TT and Volleyball sessions in the evening still continue. But the events around me, the chatters, the banters , I just do not find that urge to take part. Hence the silence.  But, not knowing what has switched me off is not helping at all.

May be, I have been away for my family and friends for a long time now. And I am going to be away for some more time. I have never felt home sickness before, so, I can not say what I am feeling now is home sickness. One of the highlights amid the silence of last few days was talking to my brother today. I am not coming online too much on Gtalk and I guess, I have grown out of facebook already. I got online for few minutes in the morning just after waking up and was trying to get ready for office when he pinged me. He is away in Finland and his job is such which does not allow for regular and uninterrupted phone calls. So, it was nice to talk to him for about half an hour. During our talk, he asked a question, which had me believe, that he is no more a kid brother, but has grown into a mature person. Perhaps, he had matured long before, but I only realized now.

Its not that I have been working for very long without  a break and I am in need for a vacation. I have been going to see places quite regularly last few weekends. And only last Saturday, I had great fun on our short day trip to the mountains. And while returning back to Zurich, I had one of most chirpy days. To the point, that my friends thought that something has gone wrong with me and the little wine I had, had gone to my head. I was virtually unstoppable and was rarely silent in the whole return journey. But, what exactly happened after that, I can not say for sure. Or may be, my sub conscious knows and my conscious self is not ready to accept. Not yet.

I am sorry, if you are coming here for the first time and find yourself not amused by this confessional post. I am not like this, and this is perhaps my most negative post. I think, in my more than 100 odd posts, this is a kind of first. And I promise, it will be my last. I can not be sad for very long. I will get tired of it. Eventually. I ensure my readers that they walk with a smile after coming here. I am mostly a happy person and it kills me to realize that I am choosing to be sad and silent when I have no reason to be so.  If there is any scene from a movie, which can say about my state of mind, it is this Fuck All video from the film 25th Hour -

May be, I am just over reacting, because my two favorite jeans, a blue and another black, expired within a period of one week. One was barely 3 year old while the other was only a little older at 5 years. For people, I do not know, I would like to say that it soothes me that there are a few faces who do not know me and hence would not judge me too much on the basis of this post and it comforts me to know that even if I do not know you, you are still listening. May be. And for those, who know me, nahi, mujhe pyaar nahi hua hai!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

14 Shots of Sunset

 I know I write long posts. And I also know that I upload fewer images. So, today, despite knowing that there are a zillion things I want to write about, I hold and retrain myself. Today, I will not speak anything. Instead I present below a series of sunsets, which I have shot from my room over a period of few days. Being on the 12th floor gives me good vantage points. I would request you to take a look..and those with the keen eyes.. suggest any shortcomings…and any ideas how I could have improved the images further. I could go into the details of aperture, shutter speed and exposure compensation…but…I decide not to. They were beautiful..just the way they were…and even if my images don’t do full justice to these incredible sunsets, I will be happy knowing the fact that they were more beautiful than the images itself. Here we go.. :) 

Friday, September 2, 2011

Yun hi, Gupshup

*There is nothing serious in this post. It is just a kind of filler* :)

During Coffee breaks, there are various topics of conversation which take place. While we try to avoid the discussions related to work, for obvious reasons, the current non-performance of Indian Cricket team has even made Cricket a difficult topic to discuss and have fun at the same time. Sometimes, conversation starts by someone asking for a potential plan to go for a trip somewhere, but there is no consensus whether we should go to London or Rome or somewhere else. (I am personally rooting for Croatia!). 

Then, there is this topic of fluctuating stock markets and who is incurring the highest loss in the stocks and then every one becomes an expert on which stocks to invest in. A related topic is the exchange rate between Swiss Francs and Indian Rupee and when we should transfer the money to maximize the gain. 
Another interesting topic is the price now days to buy a flat in NCR.Aur bhai..mere to rongte khade ho jaate hai, by god! Friends and colleagues tell their experiences of talking to brokers:

"bhaiya..flat soch rahe the lene ka. Aap dikha sakte ho."

" jayega..dikha denge..apna requirement bataiye..budget bataiye.."

"2 BHK soch rahe the...budget..kuch 60-65 Lakh hoga..."

After a pause..

"Madam...itne mein to thoda mushkil hai....hamare paas to 1 crore se starting wale flat honge..."
(matlab..jab itne ho batana!!)

And I have heard of normal-livable-not-too-fancy flats in NCR at a few locations with a starting price of 3 Crores. 3 Crores. Is that a joke? There is no way I am going to buy a flat in NCR for this price which would mean taking a loan of I-don't-know-how-much amount. What ever that amount will be, it will be nothing less than exorbitant. You may say, I am living in a fantasy world, if I plan to buy a house in NCR and if I am afraid of this cost and also if I do not want to take a loan. And you will be right about it. I live in a fantasy world. And I am happy. I do not need a 3 Crore house to live in to be happy. I just hope, I do not have to eat my words in the future, when and if, I take more responsibility. Responsibility of a family, I mean...Aww..let me move to other topic, before I scare myself.

Another one of our favorite topics is taking a dig at our managers. Here is  story from my colleague. Apparently, he got a report on his performance of the past year, where everything was fine..(at least as fine as it can be), except for the part, where there was something on which he had to work on..

"You should improve your communicational skills. You are the hard worker in the office and you takes a responsibility and you do a best. But, you have to works on the skills for the efficient communication. It will help the projects and you will also develops in the professional manner."

He  has this to say about his superior,"the, a, an, s to jaise dahej mein le kar aaye the..itne le kar aaye abhi tak kaam chala rahe hai..jahan mann karta hai..saala wahan use kar dete hai. Customer se appreciation mail aati usko forward karke...aisa mail likhte sharm aa jaati hai...isse achha to nahi mail bheje...I the congratulate you on a good works done. I hopes for this in a future also...pata nahi kya kya likhte hai. Saala..uski language ko translate karne mein to google translator bhi fail ho jaaye...No language found bolega. Ab wo mujhe bol rahe apni communicational skill sudharo...mujhe to hansi aa jaati hai...unko bolu kya main...."

We had a great laugh about this on many coffee breaks. But then, I do not think his manager is much different from us. We always give advices to all around us, even when we do not know shit about what we are talking*. :)

Now, in my previous post, I gave the definition of Courage as given by Premchand. So, I was reading a book “Between a Rock and a Hard Place” and I removed by bookmark yesterday to take it from there. And the first line is:

 “Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant.”

Writers, philosophers. I guess are same everywhere :)
* I am not trying to make fun of him or anyone with limited communication skills in English or any other language. There may be a hundred grammatical errors on this one post. I accept that. I will improve myself. My giving advice on writing skills will be kind of like Rakhi Sawant giving a lesson in acting. Hey,hey.. I am not trying to make fun of Rakhi Sawant now!