I was talking to one of my very good friends few days back with whom I have been in constant contact even after leaving college (lucky him). I was explaining to him about my 'part-in-progress-part-upcoming' research on my perfect bicycle to start my tour of all over India covering every major Indian city and seeing everything there is to see. I told him that I would like to attach a speedometer and a odometer to my cycle, so that I can measure my optimum speed, how soon I get tired at maximum speed, how much distance I am covering on an average, how much wear and tear my cycle suffers at different speeds on different terrains etc etc etc. He was a very patient listener, as he usually is, but on the first moment of silence that he got, he snapped -
'abe, pata hai, jab tu baat karta hai na, to pata nahi aisa lagta hai ki tu kuch bahut bada soch raha hai aur achhe se apne dream ko pura karne wala hai. Par saala, tu karta kuch nahi hai last mein.'
He got me there.
I had heard a similar analysis some time back when I was casually talking to my father about my desire to enter film industry.
Me: Papa, agar main aapko bolun ki main film line mein jaana chahta hun, to aap kya bolenge?
Papa: par acting to kabhi kiya nahi hai tu?
Me: Nahi , acting nahi. Main film banana chahta hun. Kahani hai mere paas. bas usse likhna hai. Main direct karna chahta hun.
Papa: Hmm, (silence continues...), aah, tumhare bas ki nahi hai.
Tu itna lazy hai. tere se nahi hoga ye sab.
Actually, I was happy for 1. He did not say No. and 2. He did not say, that I can not do it because I do not have the ability to do it.
My history does support the fact that I have jumped from one desire/idea to another without ever start working on any of these. Three years back, I started self -learning about nanotechnology by reading books. But backed off on the first instant, when it occurred to me, that I will have to appear for GATE and once again study my Mechanical subjects which I did not study well the first time itself. I moved on to study about Radio astronomy and it was once again a dead end as the university I was interested in wanted a MSc in Physics. Another idea suddenly struck me last year about my wish to convert the great deserts of India into a green forest once again. I researched on internet and read a lot online about this technology called 'Permaculture'. It talks about sustainable development of ecosystem in different soils and climate conditions. It sounded so great and exciting that for few days, I thought I had found my calling. I found an government institute in Rajasthan which is actually supposed to work on the same lines. I could not stop talking about it to my friends and forwarded a bunch of links and articles to them to check. But this enthusiasm could not sustain itself over the course of next week and permaculture suffered a pre-mature death. In between, I had 3-4 potential stories taking birth in my head about my non-existing movie, which never blossomed.
And then, I had this great idea about a bicycle tour of complete India. I honestly do not know, for how long this idea/desire/wish resides in my head, but for now, I am truly relishing the effect of this 'most resilient parasite'.
I, with my T-shirt and Jeans, see myself a perfect misfit in the corporate world of white shirt, black trousers and a blue tie. I belong everywhere, but here, where I am now. The world, where I am planning my escape to a parallel universe where my desires are not just desires. Where, I do not have to take care of hundred of strings to fulfill any of my ideas. Where ideas come with a full proof plan and a 'How to complete me' pamphlet. Where, one does not think things. They happen.
But, back in my imperfect world, I first think. Things does not happen. They are made to happen. Yeah, let me think about something else now.
P.S - I think, this may be classified as half crib post. Gosh, I have not written one of those for so long.