Monday, September 29, 2008

Are you there and Others


Are you there? Are you there?
Are you there? Are you there?
Are you there? Are you there?

This is the voice, which has been irritating me a lot for a few days. This is the ringtone kept by one of my collegues in his extension phone and he is away from his seat 83.4% of his time in office. Geeeeeeeeeeee!!
Arre bhaad mein jaa!! Yes, I am here, but I wont lift the call.(Pun intended)

Of Other news - 

One of my collegue was happily saying everything in affirmative whatever he was asked. Though I got the meaning, but I was not exactly getting what word he was using. So, I said - "hey, hold on. What are you saying? Is it 's', 'Yes' or 'Ass'?" Thats a different matter that he almost threatened to kill me after the last word.

I just read that a fatwa has been issued against Pakistan Prime Minister (some Ziradari or Zardari!!) aftet he complemented some American minister - 'You are gorgeues'. Offcourse, she was a lady yaar. Just wondering, if they had given him a place in Pakistan Kabaddi team, if he had said - 'Mohtarma, maaf kijiyega, par aap mein wo baat nahi'!! Speaking in urdu may have been a good idea though. Huhh....When will people grow up?

Now moving to some entertainment news.

Sanjay Dutt was pretty upset with Imran Khan when Imran did the stunt of jumping from 12th floor by itself for his soon to be released film 'Aguwah'. Oops, Kidnap. Sanjay promptly called the Oscar khan and expressed his concern. Here is the excerpt of their conversation:

Sanju calling Aamir - 
He hears the caller tune - Maa, Meri Maa...
Sanju puts the phone away from his ears as he becomes too sentimental after hearing this song. Aamir finally lifts.

Sanju  :   Hello
Aamir :   Hello, Haan mamu, kya haal hai?
Sanju  :   Arre main to nakli mamu hun, tu asli mamu apne bhatije ko samjha, nahin to tapak                          jayega ek din. Saala 12 manjil se kudne ka stunt khud karta hai.
Aamir : Jawani ke din hain. Karne do. Jab umar ho jayegi to sikh jayega. Aap bhi to sikh gaye.
Sanju  : Meri leta hai, kasam se Kidnap karwa lunga.
Aamir : Chill Mamu, abhi mujhe Oscar jitne ka tension hai, ye sab chote mote cheez ke liye meri                  secretary ko phone kiya kar.

To aapne dekha ki, ki how a Imran ke  josh mein kiye hue ek nadan harkat has put a darar in the friendship of two Mamus.

And now the most important news. And I hate myself for this. I have lost, no not my mobile, but my Debit Card, yet once again. I dont know, where I dropped it during my almost 10 km journey which I took yesteday. I only came to know about this in the night , when I had only 20 Rs in my pocket and I went to ATM to withdraw some money for my dinner.  I didnt panic though.(Ab to aadat si ho gayi hai yaar!!) Luckily, no damage done.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Bakwaas!!!


A truck driver to another truck driver - "Dum hai to bhaga le, warna peeche laga le"


Amitabh Bachhan - "A shooter wins a gold medal at olympics and you give him Rs 1 Crore. A shooter is shot dead fighting terrorists and you give him Rs 5 lakh? Who is the real winner here?"

And lastly the best one - 

  "Satyanash. Kab se us haar pe nazar laga kar baithi thi. Aur manzhi ne use ek naukrani ko de diya"
 
No need to guess, where the last one was spoken.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

The Co-efficient of Achievement



"Much comes  to you now, and in nice, harminous ways. You dont have to struggle to achieve. Your efforts produce effects far beyond your expectations"

Choose the options which are correct on the basis of the above statement:

1. You struggled a lot. You achieved a lot.
2. You did not struggle. You did not achieve anything.
3. You struggled a bit. You achieved a lot. 
4. You struggled a lot. You did not achieve anything.
5. You did not struggle. You achieved a lot.
6. You did not struggle a bit. You achieved a lot.
7. You did not struggle a lot. You did not achieve anything.
8. You put some efforts. The effects were far beyond your expectatations.
9. You did not put any effort. There were no efforts.
10. You put a lot of effort. The effects were not far beyond your expectatations.

aahh......bor ho gaya options de dekar. I think these will be enough. So guys, what do you think. All those serious CATers, have a crack at this.

By the way, let me tell you, that those lines were the first few lines of my this week horoscope(21st sept-28thsept). Kya bakwaas hai yaar - 'I dont have to struggle to achieve'. I guess, I wont achieve anything, because I wont struggle....HEHE


Saturday, September 20, 2008

Lazy Tea Drinker


Saw some dream, a nightmare in fact. Dont remember the exact contents, but I was definitely not feeling great when I woke up in the middle of night. Frantically looked for my cell to see the time. 5:12 AM..err..not bad I thought. It has been drizzling relentllessly here, it is a kind of weather which makes coming out of bed doubly difficult. But, being a hardworking guy(yeah...I know you will have a lot of comments on this), weather cannot keep me  pinned  to my bed. So, I come out of my bed to do what I had to do. I knew I had to do this, and as I strive for  perfection, I wanted to do it myself. I go straight to kitchen, praying that some milk is present. Ahh...I found it. Thanks a ton to my generous roomies, I can have a hot steaming cup of tea straight out of my own hands, which is all I want now. 

This has been the most noticeable change in me in the last month. Though, gulping 6-7 cups of tea in a single sitting was never a  tough task for me in college days, but those days were  far between. And I was never an addict.  Though, we all aspire for good, kadak cup of tea when the weather is almost inviting you with its pleasantness, I was the one who will not feel particularly invited. I was happy being cuddled in bed under a light blanket, with Fan on. But, this has all changed now. Now, I make my own tea in the evening and compulsarily need one in the morning to have my senses start working. And..gosh...I didnt even know how to make one hardly 15 days back. I asked my roomie to give me crash course on - 'How to make a great tea?' He was more than happy to give me the lesson, as I was 'drinking' with his effort for last one month. As, I did nothing but just sit in front of my lappy with a quirk smile on my face whenever I am at home, the hot steaming tea which he brings every now and then just about completes my picture of a lazy busy day.  And he feels happy now, because I can also bring tea for him sometimes.(Though, I pretend to be either sleeping or having a pain in my back whenever he is back from office, less he asks me - Abey, chai banayega kya?).  But, whenever I do prepare tea for him, he smiles and says - Wah, kya chai banaya hai yaar. Ofcourse, that makes me happy too!!

OK...Just finished my tea. Got to do now what I had to do. SLEEP!!!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

And Now Delhi!!


This is a chaotic scene at Barakhambha Road in Delhi. This is the same road from where  I boarded the buses for Noida for last 2 weeks. And I didnt go this week to meet my friend. Call it fate or something else. If I had gone, who knows, I may not have been writing this. 

 I did get a few calls after the blast enquiring about my well being, which made be believe that there are a few who would have been affected if any misfortune had happened.  Though, we always feel shattered, emptiness, hollowness, anger, sympathy, pain when ever anything of this sort happens, this feeling evaporates in thin air as soon as we get a deadline to complete the coding of a module by your boss in office. But this blast me realize:

-the danger is closer than it appears
-misfortune may be just on the other side of the road

Just think,  that one of the pictures of people in the photo might have  been mine, just another innocent victim of crime. 

This piece is not meant to scare anybody. You ask me - am I scared? I say blatantly 'Yes'. Yes, I fear and I am scared. But more about the society and the atmosphere I live in than myself.  I am scared more about the impending doom that is looming large, unless, unless......................

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Anger Non - Management

I was damn angry today. Literally out of my mind. Not sure if I should even write this blog. Or should I even call it a blog? May be for everyone but not for me. If I had been in my senses, may be it would have found a secluded place in my brain and rested thereafter. But, since it makes no difference either way, why not write it and see if it has any takers? And even if it doesnt, I am angry anyway. So, this is not my regular piece of -' a lame try to create humor ' kind of blog. And for the first time, I least care about how bad my literature is or whether the use of that verb was apt or not. The point is to get my message across.

As you all know, and just in case, if some of you are not aware because you were too busy coding 500 lines of java a day, let me inform you that BIHAR is drowning. Its not the first time and the future does not look so great either. And no second guesses now that BIHAR is my home state. Yes, the same wretched, dirty, uncultured, polluted, corrupted place, where everybody who has atleast heard the name will be happy to starve in Antartica than to go there and reside. Yes, the same place which gave India its first President. The president who in his school days got a remark - "The examinee is better than examiner". The same place which gave world Jainism and Buddhism. The same place which at one time boasted of the first university in world. I can go on and on, but what matters is the present and its future. No kind of development happening in the state seems to change the mindset of people who are completely unaware of -'erstwhile glory days of Bihar' and has grown up hearing only about Laloo Prasad yadav and Rabri Devi. Their no discussion with a Bihari completes without asking 'did he did what he did' and whether it is a safe place or whether every second Bihari is a thug ready to pounce upon you and relieve you of your valuables without thinking twice. Guys, Guys, Guys....are you nuts? Well, I am not here to clear any myths about Bihar and neither I am so hopeful that IBM will open a R&D lab in Patna after somehow stumbling on this blog. And I definitely dont have a Harry Potter's wand which can put all the misery to end in time less than what it takes to pronounce Bihar. I know it will require a herculean effort to get things on track.I am just here to give my anger a vent and some day may be Bihar will catch up on all the states. Just remember that if Bihar progresses, India progresses too...

Now, why was I angry? It so happened today that we got a mail in office today to donate voluntarily for Prime Minister Relief fund to aid the deteriorating flood situation in Bihar. While, I am not going to reveal how much I contributed, but here is what I heard from few of my collegues during lunch. One of them remarked, how was it useless to contribute money and they were dead sure that money is not going to reach people. One of them remarked (in fact advising me) that if you want to send Rs 10 to Bihar, donate Rs 100 here. Man, I was amazed how did he reach to this precise calculation. I said," Dude, I am from Bihar". And then, he said something about not being aware that I am from Bihar and so and so!! I was feeling like,"To hell with all of you".

Whoever is reading this blog - Just answer my question honestly. Will your feelings, attitude or behaviour towards me change before and after coming to know that I am from Bihar?
Will you make a slight stiff noise with your nose and a contorted face if you ask me which place I belong and I say Bihar?

If yes, maintain a safe distance from me. No, I am not going to kill you or harm you, but I dont want myself to be in yours company.

I know this post will be a kind of shock for many of my friends as they are not used to seeing me in this avataar. Just want them to know that this kind of silly and baseless comments can bring out the beast in me sometimes. And I am not here to convince every living soul that Bihar is a paradise. Certainly it is not. But its atleast better than most of all those contorted faces. I will rather let my work do the talking. Yes, I am angry. But I have enough sense and strength to bounce back.

Watched Rock On!! - Feeling relaxed and pumped at the same time!!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Papa:Dont Read this!!


Its Friday evening. Came home quite late by my standards (around 7 PM). My collegeues are so supportive that when, one day at 5:15 PM, I was still in office, one of them remarked, " aaj to tera overtime ho gaya yaar!!". I just politely replied,"Yes, you are true, sir. I was about to leave".

Now, coming to the day under discussion, (couple of days back), when I entered, I found an unusual calm at home. I soon found out that, all the guys are in one room. Their animated faces say that they are in a state of 'forced concentration'. Confused, what a forced concentration is? Imagine watching saas bahu serials with someone, when you want to watch beach volleyball, but cant do anything, less you offend someone. Here, the man of the moment is someone who looks like a financial analyst. All formally dressed with shining black shoe. You know, the sort of guys who helps you with your investment plans, or rather tries to help you. And when you meet him, after listening to all the plans which he has in his kitty, you gently say, " I will call you back in couple of days after considering all the aspects." And both the parties know that the call will never be done. On the present occasion, however, the other guys are pretty serious or rather look very serious. And with every passing moment, the guy is confident of striking atleast a couple of deals.

And here I enter. I say, "aur bhai logon, kya ho raha hai." They continue their discussion without paying much attention. Feeling something important going on, I also sit and try to concentrate to listen to his words. After some 15-20 mins, he is all done. Then, he looks at us and you suddenly remember that you have to ask a couple of questions to make him feel better and assure him that you actually listened. Now, I am quite good at it. So, I shoot a couple of questions and he seems impressed and sees in me his next client. My expressions can be quite deceptive as he soon realised. He started asking me ques...the ones like, where do you work, how long have you been working, what is your present salary and how much you get in hand approx and how much are you able to save every month. Lots of questions..huhh. My friends are quite amused. They are assured that, now atleast I will oblige the guy and he wont have to go empty handed. Then came the big Q:

"So, sir, how much money do you have in your account now?" asked the guy.

I said," Rs 393.60".

All hell broke loose. My friends started laughing.

The guy, not able to frame the correct kind of response, just muttered, "Surely, you are joking Mr Kunal".

I said, " I am not".

The guy had to go empty handed. I could clearly listen the echo in his mind - "When will these software engineers learn to save".

Two years of job and Rs 393 in my account? Sounds strange, weird, inconcievable? But unfortunately true. I do not have any answer to 'HOW'.

My friends said - "Paise transfer karun kya!!!". I just smiled and said, "No need to worry, salary day is just 2 days away. I can manage".